Four lifelong friends are taking a roadtrip to visit as many roadside attractions as they possibly can. Each year one of them plans the entire trip and the others must go along with whatever the plans are in a week. The goal is always to outdo the previous year’s organizer. This year is Dave’s turn and he just might be the winner for the rest of their lives by sending them a little too far off the beaten path...
“Where the hell are you taking us? I’m not even getting cell reception out here,” Chuck, one of the back seat passengers asks.
“Quit your complaining. We just saw that stupid giant buffalo statue that you’ve been wanting to see. I didn’t even have to add that to stupid thing to this trip. It just happened to be on the way. You owe me one. Next year I wanna see that giant Noah’s Ark replica. So you better add that.” the driver Dave proclaims. “Fair enough but seriously. Where are you taking us? I haven’t even seen a gas station in like 50 miles. You’re gonna run outta gas and I’m gonna say I told you so.” says Chuck. “I got the best rental car money can buy. This thing has a massive gas tank, hybrid motor, and I even paid extra for a gas can in the spacious trunk. I can easily get 5 to 600 miles in this bad boy even with all of you fatasses”
“Yeah. We can smell the gas. What is wrong with you? You sound like a crooked used car salesman who likes to burn bodies on the weekend. That car rental place was sketchy. I’d never even heard of Fred’s Car Rental Service. I’ve certainly never heard having the option for a gas can” mentions Barry.
“You’re an ass. Unlike last year, I don’t want to run out of gas on the side of the road and have to call freaking triple A to come give us some gas. We miss precisely 1.5 critical roadside attractions because of screw up.” “How do you even know where we are going?” the frontseat passenger Woody asks.
We are going to pits of hell. Mwhaha. I’m just kidding. You’ll know when we get there. There’s gonna be this massive rock structure shaped like a duck and then we take a right.
“Well how come noone has ever heard of this place?”
“It was blurred out on Google Maps. That can’t be good. I checked Waze, Apple Maps, Mapquest, GoMaps, NavGo, and something called Journeyz with a Z. I even checked TrekKing. Get it. Trek King. Like King and Queen. TrekKing.”
“Yeah we get it. You totally made those last two up for a lame joke. Sometimes you can’t rely on technology. Sometimes you just have to go old school,” says Dave.
“How do we even know this place exists? I mean we could just be wasting our time. Remember that time we tried to find that nude beach colony and it turns out it was just shitty strip joint that serves luke warm piss beer? I mean this seems like we’re wasting our time here. I had to miss my daughter’s ballet recital plus this is my week to see her. This better be good,” Barry exclaims.
“We have some time so let me explain. I’m gonna turn off the radio. This is a long story so make sure to listen. So I reconnected with a classmate from high school a few years ago. I did some pro bono work for him. It was something simple. Anywho, somehow he inherited this place that we are going to from a rich uncle or something. He said that it took a few years because when his uncle died noone knew who the next of kin was. My classmate Bob didn’t even know he had this uncle. Well this place is a mansion that was built right after the Civil War. Its been handed down generation after generation ever since. Well there’s cool hedge maze where people has actually gotten lost and never found. “
“Oh great. You are trying to kill us.”
“There’s no way we’re gonna get lost. I packed some rope in the trunk. Plus we’ll have walkie talkies and I’m gonna implant a tracker into each of us.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding. I’m not putting a tracker inside of me.”
Yeah. I am kidding. You can just put the tracker in your pocket or something.
Well we’ve done so many escape rooms and seen so many roadside attractions that I think its time we start finding ones that noone ever sees.
